Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
