Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
