And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
