i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
