he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just had sex on a roof
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
