i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
