we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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