yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
