so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
