Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
