Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
