I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
