my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
