dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm too high and old for this...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
