I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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