i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize