Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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