oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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