i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
