I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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