And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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