I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
