I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
