then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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