The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
