epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
