I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
