we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
