Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize