'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
