yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize