there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
