I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
