so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
this will be a night to untag.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
