Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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