he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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