im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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