Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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