You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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