Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
