I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
