its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
