I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
