piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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