youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
