the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
