Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
