I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
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