THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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