The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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