in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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