I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize