it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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