Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Randomize
