ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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