just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize