how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
