so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize