We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he was CRYING into my vagina
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
