You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
