how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
