I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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