He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
