Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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