I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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