we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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