By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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