I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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