I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
