Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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