i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
