Your mouth is God's brothel.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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