is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
