You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
