My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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