I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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