is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
