I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize