I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
