this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
