I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize