You work out of a Hotel?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
