i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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