A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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