I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
