so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
And then he peed in my hair
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