The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
