I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
