His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize