My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
