My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
