??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
