I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize