Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
