Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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