I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
