I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
