one two three fourrrrnication!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
